Again, a long hiatus from the blogging. Mostly due to juggling my new role as a father as well as FM2012.
Anyways, lately I've been having a rough time with my career. Its not going anywhere and I fell stuck. Worst of all, I feel that this was a wasted year in my career. I didn't progress anywhere and failed to get any recognition for my efforts. Due to that, these past couple of months I admit I've been slacking at work. And till today, I regret my decision in The Decision.
As much as I want to blame the system and management, I know enough to know it is all my doing. I failed to establish contacts and expand my network as well as maintain the network I already have. With that, I feel truly alone in this organization. Even looking for a way out, I don't have any friends who can recommend me for gigs.
Sadly, all this eats me up everyday. I immediately switch to a miserable-emo-disturb mode when I step into the office. I am glad that I can turn it off when I'm at home with my wife and son. Though I am not sure how long I can keep doing this. Already last night I had trouble turning if off and probably my son sensed it and cried and didn't want to play with me.
I've come to terms that this is all my fault, but I want to blame the organization for one thing. It isn't very baby-friendly in terms of medical and health care. My colleague told me I can claim my son's portion of the hospital bill, only to be rejected on grounds which was not explained to me. Also, the monthly vaccinations for my son is NOT entitled for reimbursement.
Career wise, I've really hit a dead-end. To make things worst, the new leadership in my department has no direction on where he is taking us. Also, he stated my job is too easy which is why he went back on his word to promote me and give me a raise after I decided to stay after The Decision. And yet, the revenue is coming from what I do.
I guess I've reached the stage where I need a fresh start. I had one during The Decision but I stupidly turned it down. Sadly my skill sets are limited and the field where my skills seem fit do not want me back.
At the end of the day, as much as I want people to tell me it will be okay in the end, the realist in me knows, it will never be, besides who do I have that will tell me it will be alright in the end?
