The one with the anger and hate in me

I believe a lot of you are wondering why so much anger and hate. As philosopher Lennon once said "make love, not war". And how a nice quiet guy like me has so much hate. Then again, I believe that's the case. I keep everything inside, and I'm practically a walking time bomb and will blow up anytime soon.
Maybe I should explain where all this negative (or positive) energy is coming from. As of late work really, really sucks. Been getting a lot of crap as well as more shit from people. Previously I try to remain calm and take it as a lesson. But now I believe its beyond that. I'm being made the scapegoat of everything. And slowly, I have a really short fuse. I am probably thisclose to snapping or worse, killing someone.
If you want me to explain all in chronological order, it would be one hell of a story which no one would be interested to read. Lets just say I've reach the point where I should actively explore other job opportunities. Besides, I believe I've worn out my welcome and not a lot of people like me. Guess I've achieved that in almost one year with Am. Guess the fact that "you give a little love and it all comes back to you" doesn't apply here.
Bit why all the anger and hate. I hate being made the scapegoat. I hate being called out for something I didn't do or in one particular case being wrongly advise on what to do. I hate people who take their own sweet time to submit their report resulting me to compile and submit the report way past the due date. I hate being blamed for everything, even for deals which are not mine. I hate the business banking unit. I hate the loans department. I hate the operations department. I hate being 'controlled' in karaoke. And the list goes on, some you might think silly.
As I mention earlier, I'm thisclose to snapping. And when that happens, cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war. And I'll bury anyone who gets in my way. Remember people, don't wound what you can't kill.

The one where I need to kill someone to show people I mean business

My apologies for the 18SG title. But that is currently what I'm thinking at the moment. I feel I need to get rid of the good-boy-nice-guy image. Feels like society is taking advantage on the fact I'm the nice guy. As noble as the behavior is I feel its not really doing me any justice.
The only way to do that, is to do something unthinkable. Something no one expects me to do (and no, displaying out-of-this-world-futsal-skils doesn't count). There's where I figure by killing someone should do the trick. Question now is who?
At times I feel that fact that I care about the people around me as well as high accountability is probably my greatest weakness. They both apply in both my work life and private life. And as most people close to me would realize is that no matter how much people beat me down or betray me or more words I can't think of here, I'm still around. I try to BE NICE, avoid making things bigger than they are.
As an article in Off The Edge said, this is not healthy. I should stop being nice and stop giving a rats ass. Show the James Bond attitude from Casino Royale when asked if he wanted his vodka martini shaken or stirred by saying "Do I look like I give a damn?".
Sadly its not easy to change who you are, isn't it.

The one where I walked out on a karaoke session

I bet the title kinda gave you a shock. Very unlikely of me to commit such an offence, in karaoke standards anyways. I still came back to the session in the end, but I didn't perform in my usual manner after that.
So where shall I begin. Tonight we were celebrating a colleagues confirmation status in our desk. So a karaoke session was in order. I myself was pretty much amped and ready to rock as always. I started off in my usual manner and didn't want to disappoint. After 45 minutes, a colleague made a statement which really offended me. Not sure if it was intentional or not. First of all, as you all know I can't sing. I'm more of the entertainer and showmanship is my specialty. So I figure my 'noise' and 'uncoordinated movements' offended someone. After that I gently put the mic on the table, grabbed my phone, wallet and ipod and went off to chill. Ended up at some kopitiam but with lousy wi-fi access.
I admit I have offended people with my karaoke theatrics. Some were even traumatized and didn't want to go for karaoke if I was one of the 'performers'. I know people will have a barrel of laughs watching me 'karaoke'. That’s one form of entertainment I provide. And I'm not afraid to make a fool of myself (I've been doing that since I was a kid).
To me karaoke is having fun with your friends. But for certain people, singing in the right manner, with rhythm and proper pitching and whatever crap is involved is the way to go. And they do that sitting down in a well mannered behavior. I think they are probably training to be a singer or audition for some talent show.
Anyways, when I came back, I did things their way. You take out the comical element of me, you'll get one boring karaoke session. I didn't sing as much, I cancelled all my songs that were still on the play list, because my song selections are way too different. I only sang backup to some songs and I did that sitting down. Yes, the hyperactive me karaoke sitting down. And I was no longer fun. And after that the whole session was less energetic and for once I chose not to do anything about it.
In the end I realized my brand of karaoke is only appreciated my the entourage and a select few close friends. So that’s why, from now onwards, I will only karaoke with friends who karaoke the way I do. For other sessions, I will have to decline. Not fair for me to take away other people's 'fun'.

The one with the latest headlines

Been a tough week again for me. Just glad tomorrow is Friday and hopefully Futsal Ramadhan kicks off tomorrow night as well. I am still drained EMP, and in need of a break soon. But my confirmation period ends in another two months. However, my boss has given me an opportunity for a break by allowing me to take leave during the Eid season. I usually don't take leaves during Eid since I prefer to save my leaves for other occasions.
Anyways, currently the headlines has been dominated by the child in bag story. Which some claim has connections to a missing child case. Earlier in the week the parents came to identify the body and they say it wasn't their child. However latest reports as of today show DNA tests prove it was their child. I for one as at time of writing am still not sure who the kid is. But the fact the the child was a victim of some sick sex maniac really makes me want to go on a lightsaber + force choke + force lightning rage against these sexual predators especially little kids. The world is no longer safe for kids and soon parents will be living in an age of paranoia since these beings disguised as humans somehow are still at large. We talk about wanting to be a great nation, but if the safety of its population especially the next-generation is not taken care of, the dream of greatness will might as well be shelved. Anyways, I hope that the child is safe somewhere, but if tests do prove otherwise it is another sad loss to the nation. It was mention the child is a diabetic, and without the regular prescribed dose of insulin, I fear for the child's safety for the past month she has been missing. This is not the first case as many cases has been reported the past few years. It saddens me that the grief the parents fo through would be too much too much to bear. We can only talk and place blame on the situation. But in the end action is needed and i fear what we are doing is not enough.
Guess that's my first attempt on a serious issue where my flair can't be used. Now for something that also came to a shock but somehow it was expected. The 'resignation' of Jose Mourinho, Chelsea's manager. I am not a Chelski fan, but have too admit I am going to miss the colour The Special One has brought to the Premiership. He has been a breath of fresh air with his antics and style. Which if you have notice is part of his modus operandi. He wants to shift the media attention to him so his players can just go out there and play football. It did work especially in his first two seasons, but after Roman Abromovich's expensive divorce, he has more time for the club and suddenly wants in on first team affairs by bringing in his friends. So between the billionaire owner and the special one, someone had to go and it isn't going to be the man who invested his millions. Well, Jose, our favourite Portugeezer, all the best in your future and hopefully you'll find a club where you have full control of first team affairs.
Then again, we can't have things the way we want it. As long as we understand that, hopefully we can deal with it.